


The light behind your eyes

by Charlie_Bb



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 01:50:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie_Bb/pseuds/Charlie_Bb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beacon Hills is safe again and life goes on. <br/>There’s school, and there are friends, and there are no murders to worry about. <br/>And there’s no Derek.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The light behind your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> IDEK where this comes from. The original plot for *this* was a bit different, but you know charachters, they always do the hell they want.   
> The title for this OS is taken from the song "The light behind your eyes", by My Chemical Romance ♥  
> Also, un-beta'd.

Life is good now.

No more psychotic alphas, no more crazy Darachs killing innocent people for God knows what stupid reasons. There’s no danger now in Beacon Hills and life seems to be back at what it was before, before Peter Hale came back, before Scott was turned into a werewolf, before the Kanima started killing people on some crazy bloke’s orders.

Beacon Hills is safe again and life goes on.

There’s school, and there are friends, and there are no murders to worry about.

And there’s no Derek.

Sometimes Stiles wonders where he and Cora are, if they’re OK, if they’re ever coming back.

Not that he cares, of course.

*

When Allison and Scott get back together, Stiles is happy for them. Like, genuinely happy and yeah, they make a great couple.

Even if they spend all of their time kissing, sucking each other’s face, but he’s not gonna complain about it. They’re happy and he knows how much they deserved their happy ending.

They started talking about marriage too, and even if Stiles thinks it may be a bit too soon for that, he smiles and nods and tell them how wonderful it is that they’re making plans for their future life. His heart aches a bit, it feels like it’s squeezing, but it’s just a moment and moments run fast, leaving nothing but a faded memory that blurs into oblivion.

*

Stiles should’ve really known it was gonna happen but still, it’s a bit of a shock for him when Lydia walks in at Scott’s place, stands in the middle of the living room and show them all the big, shiny ring she wears on her left hand.

She doesn’t seem to care if she’s interrupting something – something like this talk about the two missing Hale, something like their distressed tone because it’s been months now and no news from the stupid weres – and keeps on smiling while telling them she and Aiden have finally decided to make the next step.

Stiles would gladly tell her to stop interrupting people who are clearly in the middle of something, but her smile is so bright and she deserves happiness so much that, well, he shuts the hell up and spends the rest of the afternoon listening to all the details she desperately needs to talk about.

It’s raining outside and Beacon Hills’ sky is grey with heavy clouds and there’s something, in the middle of Stiles’ stomach, that really feels like a pit, so empty and so cold. He ignores it and looks at the picture of the cake Lydia’s gonna buy for the wedding party.

*

Life’s back to normal now, and all of his friends are engaged and Stiles knows they’re never gonna leave him, still he can’t help but feel like he’s kind of alone now.

The rain falls down in cold heavy drops now, the streets are deserted and everybody’s probably home with a cup of hot chocolate or tea or whatever to fight the cold that December always brings.

It’s just – Stiles can’t explain it, OK? It’s just a pit in his stomach and sometimes it hurts so badly he starts to worry. It’s something vicious in his belly and he doesn’t know how to make it go away.

He doesn’t tell Scott, nor Allison, not even his dad. He thinks it’s just something he has to deal with, and since he’s always been right about, like, _everything_ , he decides to listen to his crazy self and doesn’t say a word.

Maybe he just needs to get used to this new, danger-less life. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with him and that pit is just fear, the fear he was so used to before Deucalion was defeated. Maybe he needs to reconnect to life again, to forget about werewolves and homicides and psychopaths.

So he tries.

He smiles more, and hangs out more, and enjoys this brand new life; he spends more time with Allison and Scott, plays lacrosse again, tries to be a better son for his dad – and everything works out perfectly. All the people he loves are happy with this new Stiles, with his smiles and jokes, with his bright shiny presence that seems to light their lives up a bit more.

*

The school year is gonna end soon, it’s just a matter of weeks now, and Stiles couldn’t be happier. No more school, no more homework, no more stupid teachers telling them all what to do and when to do it.

Plus, they’re all gonna have a big party to celebrate the very end of their high school years, and it’s gonna be great. There’s gonna be beer, and lots of other alcoholic drinks, and good music, and of course they’re going to organize the party in the Preserve because there’s no way grown-ups are gonna let them get drunk like that.

Lydia is already printing fliers to give away to anybody in the school, Allison is helping her with the decorations (decorations in the Preserve? _Really_? Stiles doesn’t think that’s a good idea and when he tries to tell Lydia she gives him a murderous look so, yeah, decorations, great stuff) and Scott is siding with Aiden, hoping that madness will end soon so they could have their girlfriends – _fiancées_ – back.

Stiles can’t wait for the party. It will be the end of the life as he knows it, and a whole new life will begin in September, when he’ll finally go to college.

*

Then it happens that Scott mentions Peter, once.

It’s one of their lazy afternoons, he and Scott are just playing videogames sitting on the couch and eating popcorns, and it happens.

_I saw him few days ago_ , Scott says all of a sudden and when Stiles looks at him blankly he adds, _Peter. He’s still here in Beacon Hills. He never left._

Oh. Stiles doesn’t know how _that_ would be of any interest to him, but Scott has this serious expression painted all over his face and so Stiles remains quiet, waiting for him to let it all out.

_I think he knows something about Derek and Cora. He wouldn’t tell me, but… I don’t know, Stiles, I just feel there’s something wrong._

Stiles nods slowly but doesn’t tell him about that pit that’s growing wider in his stomach. He doesn’t tell him how much it hurts and how much sometimes he just feels like he wants to scream. Stiles doesn’t tell him about the bad, bad feeling he couldn’t make go away, doesn’t tell him how hard it’s been for him to live with it for the past year.

_I think we should go looking for them, Stiles._

Stiles doesn’t tell him he’s right and they should leave right away. Doesn’t tell him that’s a great idea and they should pack something and go after them immediately because God knows what’s happened to them.

_I don’t think they want to be found_ , he says instead and there’s something wrapped all around his heart now, a darkness he’s quite familiar with. _They left for a reason, and if they wanted us to go after them they wouldn’t have left in the first place_.

_Stiles!_ Scott shouts and before he knows Stiles stands on his feet, facing him.  

Stiles doesn’t tell him he would _die_ to have Derek back. He doesn’t tell him the pit inside of him grew bigger every time he pictured Derek’s face behind his closed eyes.

_They could’ve come back. They didn’t_ , he says instead, eyes burning with hidden tears. _They don’t want to come back, Scott. Get over it._

When he leaves in a hurry, Scott doesn’t stop him.

*

Stiles doesn’t even tell _himself_ to listen to that stupid pit. He doesn’t think about what that emptiness means, he _doesn’t want to_.

Life goes on, his dad is so proud of him when he holds his brand new high school degree in front of all the town.

Stiles doesn’t show how lost he feels and he smiles instead, ready for that famous party in the woods. And even if the Hale mansion will be there, spying on him between the trees, he won’t mind. He won’t look at it, that wooden giant, never again, so the pit won’t grow any bigger and life will be as awesome as it’s been after Derek left.

*

When Allison spots a teardrop on his cheek, that night at the party, he tells her it’s because of the fire. He’s too close to the flames, it burns his eyes. He doesn’t look at the fire though, he doesn’t like the dancing flames casting shadows on the moist ground.

_Scott told me about Derek_ , she says handling him another cold beer and he sighs lightly. _I… I think he could be right, Stiles. We should go_.

Stiles doesn’t tell her he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t tell her if they go they would probably find out something terrible has happened to Derek, he doesn’t tell her he doesn’t want to know. Derek left. Derek left his life, his home, _the place where he belonged_ and Stiles will never, ever tell her he tried to stop him.

He will never tell anyone he asked him to stay.

But Derek had his answers to find, a probably terrible truth to reveal, and he left.

And Stiles felt it in his bones, the sound of something that breaks, exactly as he feels it now, an emptiness inside of him that wasn’t there when Derek left.

*

When Stiles opens the door, that warm day of August, he doesn’t need to ask any questions. He doesn’t even need to look at Scott’s face, actually, because _he knows_. He just does.

He just asks, _How?_ , and Scott sighs. Stiles doesn’t ask _when_ , because he kind of knows it. It started months before, right when he started feeling that stupid pit. He just decided to ignore it, it was easier that way.

_An alpha_ , Scott says, still on the doorstep and Stiles doesn’t care about asking him to come in. _He was after them_ , _he_ -

_Is he here now?_

Scott widens his chocolate puppy eyes and OK, Stiles is not a werewolf, but he knows exactly what Scott’s thinking at the moment.

_I just want to see him. One last time._

*

Stiles approaches the marble table with no particular expression on his face. He just walks towards it, slowly, his eyes focused on the body laying still.

His hands don’t even shake while he gently touches the closed eyelids with the tip of his fingers. There are no hidden tears behind his eyes as there is almost no blood flushing to his cheeks. His skin is as pale as Derek’s at this very moment. He doesn’t seem to care.

The pit is still there, at the centre of his belly, wrapped around his insides. It doesn’t hurt anymore though. It’s just there, silent and dormant, a big black hole full of _nothing_.

When Allison touches his shoulder gently he doesn’t turn around to look at her. He doesn’t need to turn around to _feel_ the pity she carries in her eyes.

Stiles thinks he never got to say goodbye. Not properly at least. And the thought almost makes him laugh because, really, how ironic is it? He hated him, he tried to hate him for a long, long time and when Derek told him he couldn’t stay _for now_ , Stiles just turned his back on him and never looked behind his shoulders.

Derek never told him goodbye either, but that doesn’t matter anymore.

Stiles wishes things had gone differently. He wishes he’d said goodbye that night, in Derek’s loft.

_Stiles-_

He just wishes he’d never felt that pit, he’d never known. He wishes he’d lived his life without knowing any of that, anything at all, it would’ve been easier. Easier to stare at Derek’s dead body, at his closed eyes, easier to look at him one last time and let him go.

_Are you-_

_I’m fine_ , he says and he steps away, barely looking at Cora staring at him with a big, black sadness in her eyes.

He doesn’t say he’s not OK. He doesn’t tell his friends he feels like he’s dead inside, like he has no sparkle of life anymore. He doesn’t tell them that Derek was that sparkle, and he never will.

He doesn’t tell them that he loved him, either. He doesn’t tell them he loves him still, even when he’s laying all cold on a marble table.

He doesn’t tell them he cannot live without him, because he can. He just needs to go on, and he will; he will smile, and he will live his perfect normal life, and he will go to college and probably meet new people. He will meet some girl too, and one day he will tell all his friends about his wedding and his dad will be so happy to have grandchildren running around his house, playing with his badge.

Stiles gives them all a small smile now and they seem somehow reassured and smile back, and well, they don’t need to know that the day Derek died he died as well. 


End file.
